I can’t take it! He’s leaving and wants the kids!
How can I ever trust again? He lied!
You did it again! I am numb!
She doesn’t hear what I am saying!
I’ll love you… if you respect me! I have given him plenty of second chances!
These are just a few of the statements that I hear from hurting couples on a weekly basis. Never before in 15 years of ministry have we experienced such a call of desperation. The last few weeks it has been almost daily. It is like a cancer (or plague) among friends. These are families, faithful servants, that are falling apart before our eyes. Lives hang by a thread, children’s futures are affected for eternity. Some reach for help and healing no matter how bad the circumstances, some throw in the towel. For those that get help, it is awesome to see our Jehovah Rapha (Exodus 15:26 “the Lord our healer”) come and restore their marriage. His healing touch can change the darkest of circumstances. He gives hope to the hopeless. The same Jesus that healed yesterday wants to heal today! The problem is that couples think they are alone! For years couples have gone to church and played the part all the while a slow death is occurring in the home. Who do you tell? Where do go? What will people think? Sad to say Christians are the best at shooting their own wounded. Is church really a safe place? It can be. It is our desire for couples to know they can come to the Fellowship and be loved and that they can come to Ron and me for help. We have been there…
Year’s ago Ron and I went through the pit. We call it “Hero’s to Zero’s” or “Christians Rejected and Persecuted”! When you are in ministry and go through difficult times it can be very dark and lonely. Families in ministry are on the front lines of a spiritual battle. When the Lord allows you to impact a dark world Satan is not “a happy camper”. You must have your armor on at all times. Satan knows if he can take out the generals he has a higher chance of destroying the platoon. Well, years ago we were definitely on the front lines but we had holes in our armor that opened us up for attack. I believe that all christian families are in a spiritual but many do not realize who the true enemy is. They sometimes think it is each other. They do not realize that Satan is out to kill, steal and detroy their family.
Years ago Ron preached live weekly to over 450,000 households via a church owned TV station. When his mom passed away unexpectedly, he stated one time from the pulpit that He was upset at times and didn’t understand her early death but he knew God was sovereign. At this time, my former Marine just didn’t talk about topics like this. But I can say my hubby has always preached from the heart. Well, a viewer called in and said a pastor should not be upset at God or question God’s actions. This began the slow fade in my husband as He turned the hurt inward. This “whatever” attitude affected all of us. The fact is, being a christian and stumbling, hurting or admitting failure is not accepted by many. Here we teach that God is a God of grace, but for many they are in short supply of giving grace. For some, grace only applies to those who make mistakes or are broken before they are saved. No, by grace we live daily! No one has arrived! Not even your spouse! But someone has well said, “In order to give God’s grace we must have received God’s grace.” The more forgiven we are the more we forgive. Many marriages breakdown because of the lack of grace between spouses. A lack in the ability to share your heart without being criticized. Sometimes a spouse just wants you to listen even if you don’t understand. We heal sometimes just by listening to ourselves talk. Listening can be challenging and takes 110% from both parties.
For us, our speedbump was such a blessing from the Lord. We could have had a million dollar ministry and ten cent kids. We grew up a lot and learned so much as a couple. God’s word talks about Peter being sifted as wheat (“Simon, Simon, behold Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat: But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren.” Luke 22:31-32) I’ll take my sifted bag of flour hubby anytime! I had a nice set of baggage from my early years (abuse, death, alcoholism, depression etc.) We had the opportunity to slow down and unpack together. We used to say, we wanted to be able to really relate and minister to hurting families; I never expected to be one! Well, we were, now by the total grace of God He is using it for His glory. We were able to see life from the other side of the pulpit. Now we can minister to hurting families like never before, with a heart of understanding the pain. He has totally refocused and restored our ministry and I am thankful.
Do I wish I could say ministry and the Christian life has been easy? Sure. That my husband and I have not been a David or a Peter? You Bet! But I serve a Risen Savior! One who heals the lame. Peter had breakfast by the sea with Jesus (John 21) after he totally blew it and then he was sent out to preach Penecost (Acts 2). Our sins are as far as the East is to the West if we turn it over to Him. He knows your heart! He wants to heal your marriage! He wants to forgive you and wrap you in His arms! He wants to make “beauty for ashes and strength for fear”! You have to be willing to turn it over to Him. He is there in your desperation. Call out to Him!
